


Wanted You More

by storyofeden



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, BDSM, D/s, Dom!Jensen, Dom!Misha, Others to come?, bottom!Jared, sub!Jared, top!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-17 13:26:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/552039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyofeden/pseuds/storyofeden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I just can't wait to get back<br/>To where the issue is<br/>Who loves who more."<br/>--Thompson Square</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_“I’m hanging out with Chris tonight.”_

_Jared looked up from his book and shrugged, “Okay.”_

_“What do you mean?” Jensen almost snapped back. “It’s just okay? Don’t you want to spend time with me?”_

_“Come on, you know it’s not like that.” He set the book down on the coffee table and turned his body to fully face his boyfriend. “We’ve been together for 6 months. If I was gonna get tired of you, it’d be long before now.”_

_Jared kissed Jensen’s lips softly then continued, “Besides. I know you better than you think. You need boy time, real time with your friend without me tagging along. I’ve been telling you to do this for weeks.”_

_Jensen sighed. “Okay. I’m picking up Tom, then we’re heading out to Kane’s gig.”_

_“I love you,” Jared smiled sappily at his boyfriend._

_“Yeah. Me too.” With that, Jensen left._

 

**I kept waiting on a reason**

**And a call that never came**

**No, I never saw it coming**

**Something in you must have changed**

 

_Jared woke up at 3 am to a call from Chris. “Uh…Hello?”_

_“Jay-Rod!! Dude. I can’t get a hold of Jenny. But you two gotta get down here. Me, Chris, Daneel, and Alona are playing strip poker. Y’all need in on this.”_

_“Wait, what?”_

_“I said, we’re all playing—”_

_“No. I got that part. I thought you had a gig tonight? Jen said he was going to pick up Tom and watch you and Steve play.”_

_“Nah, dude. That’s next weekend. Tonight, we get naked!”_

_Jared didn’t even bother saying goodbye, he just hung up and dialed Jensen’s number._

_“This is Jensen’s phone. I’m sorry I can’t get to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, number and a—” Click._

_He never went back to sleep. Luckily, Wolverine: Origins was on tv._

 

**All the words unspoken, promises broken**

**I cried for so long**

 

_Jared was still staring at the wall when he stumbled in around 10 am. Jensen was halfway through pouring a glass of orange juice when Jared finally spoke._

_“Chris called last night.”_

_The juice carton hit the counter with a small thunk. “Oh.”_

_“’Oh’? That’s it?”_

_“Jesus, I just needed a night on my own. Is that too much to ask?”_

_“Bullshit!” Jared was standing now, shaking with emotion. “I practically begged you to go out with your friends. You always said no, said you’d rather hang out with me.”_

 

**Wasted too much time, should've seen the signs**

**Now I know just what went wrong**

 

_“Come on, babe. I mean—”_

_“Is it Tom?”_

_Jensen went completely still. “What?”_

_“Is it Tom?”_

_“Jared…”_

_“Jen.”_

_“I…yeah. Yeah…It’s Tom.”_

_“Get out. You can come over while I’m at work to get your stuff.”_

_“Jare.”_

_“Leave the key when you’re done.”_

_Naively, Jared half-hoped that he wouldn’t leave, that Jensen would walk up to him, kiss him senseless, and love him all day. But no. Jensen walked out._

_And Jared finally cried._

 

**I guess I wanted you more**

**And looking back now, I'm sure**

**I wanted you more**

**I guess I wanted you more**


	2. Chapter 2

_Four years later..._

Jared wasn’t quite sure what he was doing here. He’d never really done anything but some naked rubbing and a few blow jobs. Not even with Jensen, who—

Anyway, he was currently standing right outside the door of the city’s most prestigious BDSM club. And he blamed Chad. Because, really, it wasn’t Jared’s fault his dumbass of a best friend liked to talk about his [very hetero] sexual escapades. And how this one girl liked to be dominated. Tied down, spanked, and gagged kind of dominated. Which got Jared, specifically his dick, interested. That led to porn, led to research, led to Chad walking in in the middle of a very interesting solo effort and, well, now here he is.

As soon as he entered the building, a petite blonde girl nearly tackled him.

“Can I help you?”

He cleared his throat nervously. “I’m…uh. I’m Jared. Padalecki. I—”

“Have an appointment, yes.” She motioned or him to sit down while she began tapping at her computer keys. “My name is Katie Cassidy. Call me Katie. I’ll be helping you get started. Do you have your medical clearance paperwork?”

Jared nodded and handed it over.

“Perfect.” More tapping. “It says here that you would like a male dominant. Is that correct?”

“Y-yes, ma’am.”

“Okay. You’re all set. Just go down this hall to door three. Your Dom is expecting you.”

“Thank you.” Jared murmured, standing.

“Not a problem. It’s my job. I hope you find everything you’re looking for.”

Jared hoped so too

\-------

The very normal-looking office behind door number three was not at hall what Jared had expected. Of course, he wasn’t quite sure what he’d expected, but it wasn’t this. The man who stood to greet him was shorter than Jared, but then, who wasn’t? Dark brown hair sat atop an angular face with startling blue eyes.

“Hi, my name is Misha Collins. I’ll be your Dom.”

Jared nearly walked out. Shit just got real.

“H-hi. Jared Padalecki. I mean—I’m…I—”

“Jared.” His tone was soft but demanded attention. “It’s alright to be nervous. In fact, it’s expected. But you need to be able to trust me. Trust is—”

“Important in this kind of arrangement. I know.”

“I’m impressed, Jared. You’ve done your research.” They both sat on the couch located against one wall. Misha seemed to take up a lot of space. One ankle propped on the other knee. Arms spread across the back and arm of the sofa.

Jared swallowed nervously.

“Relax,” Misha noticed the anxious gesture. “All we’ll do today is talk, alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He was visibly calmer and even smiled a little. “Where do we start?”

Misha smiled affectionately, already liking the young sub. “How about your limits? Or any concerns you have?”

“Um…most of my limits are written in my paperwork. Hard as well as soft, limits. Other than that, there’s really only one thing.”

Misha motioned for him to go on.

“I’m a virgin.”

\-------

The meeting went well, and the minute it was over, Misha fell out of his role and ran into his boss’s office to envelope him in a hug.

“I love my job. Thank you. I love my job. Thank you thank you thank you.”

Jensen chuckled. “I’m glad you do, Mish. But why now, specifically?”

“My new client is the most adorable man. He blushes. And he has dimples. And his eyes sparkle when he smiles. And his hair is this thick, rich brown. And he’s like a gazillion feet tall. And…And…And—”

“Misha. Focus.”

He grinned. “He’s a virgin.”

Jensen paled, “What?”

“He’s a—”

“I hear what you said. I didn’t approve him. I don’t approve of virgins participating in our building in our activities.”

“Jen. You’re not the only person who goes through the files. Mr. Morgan must’ve okay’d him. Besides, I read his paperwork. I’ve got a good feeling about this kid. He knows his limits, done his research. He can do this. I know it.”

Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Okay. If you and Jeff think he’s capable, then fine. But the minute something goes wrong, even remotely, he’s outta here. Understand me?” Misha nodded. “What are you doing about the virgin thing?”

“That’s one of his hard limits. No anal penetration by anything but a plug. He made it clear that the minute I push that boundary, which I won’t, but if I do, he’ll walk out.”

“At least he seems to have a good head on his shoulders. I tell you what. The first session will be just you two. But Morgan or I will sit in on the second or third. Not that I don’t trust you, but the fact that he’s so…inexperienced makes me cautious. Too many of them end up panicking and running out, threatening to sue us or some shit.”

Misha just smiled, nodded, and exited the office. Albeit, with a little skip in his step.

Jensen shook his head. He loved his job, he did. Once he’d stumbled into the lifestyle, it was as if everything had fallen into place.

His fingers ghosted over the picture he kept hidden in his desk drawer.

Almost everything.

\------

“What’s your safe word?”

Jared kept his eyes lowered. He was kneeling on the playroom floor, hands on his thighs, palms up. “Winchester.”

Misha’s eyebrows quirked up. “As in the gun?”

“Yes, sir.”

He laughed. “Very good. Let’s begin. Today’s session will focus on obeying commands and stamina. This is your first session, so I don’t expect perfection.”

When Jared nodded, Misha continued. “I’m going to blindfold you.”

“Yes, sir.”

He pulled out the soft cloth out of his pocket and covered Jared’s eyes. Misha pulled out a butt plug and a bottle of lube.

“This is a plug, Jared. It’s not very large, just a starter. You said penis to anus penetration was off limits, but that plugs were okay. Would you like to use your safe word?”

Jared shook his head. His cock was hard and leaking already, and he hadn’t even been touched yet.

Misha applied the lubricant liberally. “Lean over, Jared. Stay on your knees. Put your upper body weight on your forearms.”

Jared startled as the plug touched his entrance. Once it was all the way in, not quite touching his prostate, Misha turned on the vibration. Jared came almost immediately, earning him a “tsk, tsk” sound from Misha.

This was going to be much harder than expected.

\------

To be honest, Jensen hated having to do this. Sitting in on a session, especially one so early in the process, threw a sub off their game. They didn’t know him, didn’t trust him, so it was difficult for them to give themselves over completely to the Dom. But with someone so inexperienced, it was necessary. Some just couldn’t handle it.

When he entered the playroom, he was surprised to see that Misha had his young sub shackled to the ceiling and floor, spread eagle, his toes barely touching the floor. His first concerns were that the boy was in pain from the position, or that Misha was moving too fast, but Jensen quickly shook the thoughts away. Misha was one of his best Doms. He knew what he was doing.

“Hello,” Misha said. The boy jumped a little, shifting nervously even though he couldn’t move much. “Shh, little one. I told you last time that one of my bosses would be joining us at point to monitor our progress. Do you remember?”

The boy nodded.

Misha stroked his cheek. “So good, little one. I’m going to continue now.”

Jensen stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt or undermine Misha’s authority. Usually, these things took him about 5 or 10 minutes to see how it was going, then he left. But after twenty minutes of listening to the kid whimper, watching him writhe from behind, all in pleasure, he had to see it for real. He walked around to stand quietly behind Misha.

Holy Fucking Shit.

Jensen blinked several times, trying to decide if this was a nightmare or a dream. His Jared was in this building. His Jared, whose arms and legs were chained. His Jared, whose cock was hard and leaking against his taught stomach, a cock ring stopping him from bursting. His Jared, writhing in anticipation as Misha pulled a small blade out of his pocket.

“Misha, WHAT? JARED!”

“Jensen! How dare—” Misha stopped mid-sentence when Jared’s eyes snapped open, his face filled with fear.

“Winchester,” he whispered.

Misha immediately took the cock ring off and began to undo his shackles.

“That’s his Safe Word. Untie him. Now.” His tone of voice got his point across perfectly. He was pissed as hell at Jensen.

Jared’s feet hit the floor and his knees would’ve given out if it hadn’t been for Misha there to catch him. Jared nuzzled his face into the crook of Misha’s neck.

“Permission to be dismissed, Sir?”

“Of course.”

Jared grabbed his clothes from the corner of the room, and exited into the changing room.

Misha turned the Jensen. “What the hell, man?! He hasn’t had to use his Safe Word this whole time. He’s improved tenfold since the first session. He trusted me and you just set us back, majorly. You know better than this! How could you interrupt?”

“That’s…that’s Jared.” Jensen croaked out. “My Jared.”

Misha’s eyes widened, “Oh.”

\------

“I can’t believe he’s still a virgin.” Jensen stared into his beer, as if held all the answers.

Chris snorted. “I can. The boy was in love with you and still wouldn’t give it up. What makes you think it’d happen now?”

“I guess I just hoped that he’d moved on, found someone else. Someone who could love him like I couldn’t.”

“Bullshit.”

\-------

_Jensen had tears streaming down his face by the time he got to Chris’s house and knocked on the door._

_“Jenny.” He paused. “Shit, man. Get your ass in here. What’s wrong?”_

_“J-Jared.”_

_“What’d he do? I’ll kick his damn ass.”_

_“He kicked me out. I have to have all my stuff out by tomorrow night.”_

_“Shit. Did he say why? What happened?”_

_“I..uh. I went out with Tom last night. I…I….”_

_“Fuck. Jen, no.”_

_“Yeah…Yeah…I did.”_


	3. Chapter 3

About two weeks later, Jared walked into Misha’a office at exactly 2pm.

“I’d like to continue.”

Misha looked interesting, if a little shocked. “Alright, why?”

“I enjoy it too much to let him ruin it for me.

“Okay,” He smiled.

“But he’s a hard limit. I don’t want him near me, especially not in session. I’d prefer not even hear him mentioned while I’m in the building.

Misha nodded, knowing things just got way more complicated.

He continued anyway.

They did nothing more than a catch-up, earn-trust-again session and still, Jared felt better than he had all week. He’d have to thank Chad, as much as that grated him. But this? This was for him. And it made him happy.

“Hey Jay…” The soft voice surprised him. Jensen was leaning against his small red Honda. “I see you still have Betty. Kinda shocked he lasted this long.”

“I thought about buying a new one. But I thought better of it. She’s seen a lot. Reliable.”

“Yeah…”

“So,” Jared looked nervous, his hands fidgeting in his pockets. “You, uh, work here?”

“I co-own the place. With Jeffery Morgan.”

“He was the one I had the phone interview with. Nice guy.”

“Yeah…you, uh….You like it here? Like Misha?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

Jensen’s stomach turned with jealousy. “It just…doesn’t seem like your kind of thing, I guess.”

“Well, I guess you don’t really know me.”

“Yeah…never really did, huh?”

Jared shrugged.

“Look, Jay. I’m sorry. For everything. I—”

“Forget it, Jen. It’s in the past. We’re different people now, right? Let’s just…leave it alone.”

“Jensen backed away as Jared got in his car and drove away.

 

\-------

 

Misha let out a tedious sigh and untied Jared from the kneeler, “You’re dismissed.”

“Sir?” His eyes went wide. “It hasn’t even been an hour yet, has it? And—”

“I said, you’re dismissed.”

The younger man went to clean up and put his clothes on. Misha made a beeline for Jensen’s office and entered, not bothering to knock.

A female Dom, Genevieve, was mid-sentence when he interrupted. “I need to see Jensen. Now.”

Jensen nodded to Genevieve, who left quietly. “There’s not need to be rude, Meesh.”

He backed down slightly. “I’m sorry, Jen. It’s…It’s Jared.”

“Is everything alright? Is he okay? I swear to God, if you pushed him too far or—”

“Jen. He’s fine. Physically, at least.”

He let out a relieved sigh. “Then what is it?”

“I can’t do anything more for him. He needs you. He’s been despondant. He follows orders, but not with the same eagerness as before. He doesn’t give me the respect that he did before. Now, he made you one of his hard limits. You’re not to be seen or spoken of.”

“Then we need to honor that.”

“Jensen.” His tone demanded attention. And for once, Jensen obeyed the other Dom and looked at him. “He no longer sees me as his Dom. He recognizes that I am one, but I’m no longer his, contract or not. I think he needs you, Jen. However subconsciously, I think he sees you as his superior.”

It wasn’t until a few days later that it became all too fucking real for Jensen.

 

\-------

 

Jared’s heart sped up when Katie told him to go directly to Misha’s office instead of the playroom. Was Misha going to disown him? Was it all over? Of course, it wasn’t the end of the world, but what would he do?

He knocked.

“Come in, Jared.” Misha called.

The first thing he saw when he entered the room was Jensen.

Jared looked to Misha with wide eyes, “Sir?”

“Calm down, little one.” Misha said. “Would you like to sit?”

“No, thank you, sir.”

Jensen still hadn’t spoken.

“We have something to talk about, Jared.” Misha continued.

“Have…have I done something wrong? Because I’ve been trying really hard. I thought I was doing well. I could—”

Misha interrupted. “Jared. Kneel.”

“—Be better, yeah? I’ll take away some of my limits if you want. Anything. Just please. Don’t disown me. Please. I—”

“Jared. Kneel.” It was Jensen this time.

Jared dropped to his knees in an instant. A possessiveness came over Jensen.

“Little one,” Misha started, calmly. “First of all, you know very well we are not going to disown you. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.”

When Jared didn’t respond, Jensen spoke. “Respond to your Dominant, Jared. Show the respect I know you’ve given him in the past.”

“Yes, sir.”

Misha began again. “To your point, you will not lower your limits. They are your limits. You should respect yourself enough to keep them. And any Dom who ignores them is a worthless piece of shit. Understood?”

Jared nodded. “Yes, sir. But...”

Misha nodded for him to continue.

“Jensen...um...Mr. Ackles is one of my limits.”

“I understand that, little one. And you may leave the room at any time you wish.”

Jared didn’t move.

“We’d like to speak to you about your sessions.” Misha started.

Jared looked to Jensen, who nodded.

He continued. “I’ve been thinking a lot about how you’ve been progressing. Up until recently, everything had been beyond expectations. Now, however, it seems as though you’ve been slipping and there is only one conclusion I can come to.”

“Sir?”

“I believe that you no longer see me as your Dominant. It’s my opinion that you move into Jensen’s care.”

“But Misha, I’ll try harder, I promise. I’ll--”

“Jared, little one, it’s nothing you did. The circumstances have changed, that’s all. Do you understand? Is it alright if we rewrite your contract and write you in as Jensen’s submissive?”

Jensen’s submissive. The words resonated in Jared’s brain. It sounded...divine.

He took a fortifying breath.

“Yes, sir.”

“Jared,” Jensen commanded. “Look at me.”

He did, afraid that it would hurt. That their past would come barrelling back into him. That this was all just some big joke on him.

But what he saw when his eyes met Jensen’s was anything but humor. It was familiar, of course, the feeling of those green eyes honed in on him and him alone. But there was something more, something darker in the eyes of his ex. Well, the eyes of his master now, he supposed. It was a dominance, a look that gave Jared a sense of belonging. It was new. And it was delicious.

Jared shivered.

“I am your Dominant now, Jared. Understood?”

He nodded. Jensen continued.

“We are doing this for you. Because you need me. Because Misha is no longer filling that role in your mind.” He paused. “Take out your cock.”

The sudden command caused Jared to momentarily forget himself.

“What?”

“I’ll ignore that slip for now, because you are learning again. I will only say this once again. Take out your cock.”

Shakily, Jared did as he was told.

“Misha?” Jensen nodded to the other man. So attuned to Jensen, Jared had actually forgotten he was in the room.

The other Dominant sat on his knees behind Jared, grasped his wrists, and held them behind his back. Jared was now kneeling, sitting on his feet, with his cock out and his wrists behind him. He would have felt ridiculous if it wasn’t for the fact that he was so turned on.

Jensen knelt in front of him. “I’m going to touch you now. I know your emotions are high, and you I can see that you’re scared. But you need to get used to me as your Dom as well as my touch. Misha is here. And I know you trust him. You have no reason to distrust me in this setting, but if you feel the need to use your safeword, please do so. Say your safeword for us.”

“Winchester.”

“Very good, Jared.”

Jensen touched him then. It was familiar, almost too familiar. But just like the look in Jensen’s eyes, it was different. The hand on Jared’s cock was neither hurried nor slow. It felt everything and nothing like he’d remembered.

Jensen swiped his thumb over Jared’s slit, causing his hips to buck upwards, which was not an easy feat in his position. Something between a whimper and a whine escaped past his lips.

“Shh, little one,” Misha spoke. “Let him guide you. He knows what you need. He will tell you when to cum. Give in to him, Jared. Submit.”

Whether it was Misha’s words, or the way Jensen was looking at him, Jared didn’t know, but he relaxed and let himself be catered to. When it became too much, he was reduced to begging. But Jensen would back off. Jared knew it was for a reason. He had to learn control again. He needed to be comfortable in the knowledge that Jensen knew what he was doing.

Still, it was  frustrating as hell.

After only a few minutes, Jared started to writhe and pull against the hands the bound him. His head thrown back on Misha’s shoulder, he let out a string of curses.

“Please. Fuck. Please, Sir. Just...please. Please let me cum. I...I...fuck! Please I need it.”

“What do you need, Jared?”

“I need to cum, please.”

“Jared.” His eyes snapped open and he lifted his head to look at Jensen. “What do you need?”

Jared’s throat constricted. His conflicting emotions, his impending orgasm, the current circumstances, they all contributed to the tears.

“You,” he whispered. “I need you.”

“Cum.” Jensen said, probably a little louder than necessary. But Jared was gone the moment Jensen started to speak the word.

He came hard, spilling over Jensen’s hand and spurting onto his pants.

Sobs wracked his body. He couldn’t contain it anymore.

Jensen pulled Jared into his arms.

“So good, Jared.” he crooned. “So good for me. Let it out. I know it’s overwhelming, but this is good. It’ll be okay, baby boy. It’ll be okay.”

When Jensen looked up again, Misha was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen sat cross-legged on the floor of the playroom, leaning against the door. Four years ago, he never would've imagined founding his own BDSM club. He’d met Jeffrey Morgan by happenstance, and the older man had seen something in him. A...quality that made him a good Dom. They’d started the club on a whim. And now...now it was practically an institution. They’d more than broke even money-wise. In fact, they made a lot of money.

At first, Jensen had been a Dom to almost any boy who walked in. A few months and...it wasn’t the same rush. It had lost its luster. Now, he mostly stuck with the business side of things. But seeing Jared there...it had wrecked Jensen. Jared...his Jared...God, he was beautiful.

And he would be there in exactly 23 minutes and 47 seconds.

And Jensen had no idea what he was going to do. Misha had tried to give him suggestions, but it didn’t feel right. To be honest, wasn’t sure what he wanted. Part of him was itching to tie Jared spread-eagled to the floor and ceiling. Another part of him was ready to lay Jared on a bed of pillows and make sure nothing awful ever happens to him.

\-----

Jared sat cross-legged on the floor of the hallway, leaning against the door of the playroom.

It was Chad’s escapades that brought him here, got him interested. And it was Misha that kept him coming back. He was a good Dom. Probably one of the best, if Jared had to guess. But what brought him there? What brought him to that very moment? The answer was easy.

Jensen.

Jensen was the reason he was here.

Because the look in his eyes the other day had been entrancing. Because Jared seemed incapable of disobeying the commands coming from his beautiful mouth. Because, even after everything that had happened, even after all this time, Jensen wouldn’t hurt him.

That thought is what got Jared standing.

He knocked on the door

\-----

Jensen closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then opened the door.

“Hello, Jared.”

He just nodded.

“I’d like you to walk to the center of the room and kneel. Sit back on your heels. Place your hands, palms down, on your thighs.”

Jared hesitated.

“Do you have a question, Jared?” He nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Would you...like me to undress?”

“No. Not yet.”

He proceeded to the center of the playroom and knelt as instructed.

“To begin, we have some things to discuss.” Silence. “Jared.”

He looked up at Jensen, sort of. Tilting his head up, but never making eye-contact.

“You never need my permission to speak. If you have questions or worries, if you like whatever we’re doing, anything. If you are rude, however, or disobedient, there will be punishment.”

“Yes, sir.” Jared responded meekly.

Fuck. This wasn’t going well. Jensen fought back a sigh. Hopefully, once they got past the preliminary business, Jared would relax. Hopefully.

“Now, I’ve read through your file several times, as both an owner of the club and as your Dom. I’m impressed with your knowledge of the lifestyle and of your knowledge of yourself. Still, I’d like to review it. What are your hard limits?”

Jensen knew he was being harsh, distant. But it was the only way to do this right? They had to keep their emotions out of it. Right?

“My hard limits are scat, waters ports, and beastiality. Certain forms of anal penetration are also hard limits. I will accept a plug and a dildo. I will not accept a real cock. From anyone.” Jared’s mouth was dry and his voice shook. Yes, this was necessary. But, still...

Jensen wanted nothing more than to ask why he was still a virgin.

“What are your soft limits?” He asked instead.

“Blood play and breath play.”

“Alright. Anything else?”

Jared stuttered. “I...I d-don’t know?”

“That’s fine, Jared. We’ll see how it goes.”

Jared nodded.

“What is your safe-word?”

“Winchester.”

“In order to better approach your soft limits, I’d like you to say ‘soft-winchester’ when you need me to slow down or back off, but not stop.”

Silence. And then. “Yes, sir. I like that idea.”

Jensen felt some of his tension ease. Maybe, just maybe, this could work. And yet, throughout their time together so far, Jared hadn’t really looked at him.

“Jared?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Look at me. Please.”

It took Jared a moment to gather his courage. It be honest, he was scared. Terrified, even. Not that Jensen would hurt or injure him. He was confident in that. But emotionally? Mentally? This could break him. Sure, he could safe-word at any time, but he wouldn’t. Not unless it was absolutely necessary. Somehow, he just knew he wouldn’t.

Jensen’s knees nearly buckled when Jared finally met his gaze. There was a vulnerability in the chocolate brown eyes. He understood. Both of them were in an uncomfortable situation.

To Jensen, there’s nothing better than having Jared’s eyes on him and him alone. It had always been that way. But now...now it was downright empowering. The sheer fact that Jared was there in the room with him spoke wonders. And yet, that vulnerability was still there in his eyes. There was pain, fear, when there should be nothing but trust and...and...

And something Jensen had no right to want from Jared.

There it was. He knew what today’s session would be.

“Jared.”

“Yes, sir?” his answer was breathy.

“Are you ready?”

\-----

Jared was a proponent of sight. He liked seeing. So when Jensen put the blindfold over his eyes, his breath caught in his throat. It wasn’t a limit; and he knew he was in no danger. But this was new, so some panic started to rise.

“Relax, baby boy,” Jensen soothed. “It’s alright.”

His words calmed Jared almost instantly, and a power-soaked shiver shot up Jensen’s spine. Oh, yeah.

“Jensen? Will...will you talk to me? Please? Just, anything?”

A smile broke across Jensen’s face. When Jared was nervous, he liked things to be explained. The dentist, for instance. He had the man talk through the whole process of filling a cavity. At the time, Jensen and been annoyed. Now, it was endearing.

“Of course, baby boy.” He knelt in front of Jared and lightly touched his fingertips to Jared’s chest, feeling through his shirt. “Do you know why I got into the lifestyle?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final installment. Angst ensues. You've been warned! =]
> 
> There is a possibility of an epilogue. Depends on the feedback I get from this. =]

“Take off your shirt, Jared.”

The sudden command caught him off guard, causing him to pause.

“I won’t say it again.”

He took off his shirt and returned his hands to their proper position. Jensen began tracing random patterns over Jared’s chest. Goosebumps broke out on his skin.

Jensen smiled. Perfect.

“When JD mentioned the lifestyle, it only interested me in so far that it was sex.”

Jared snorted, which earned him a light smack on the shoulder, but was not otherwise acknowledged.

The next part wasn’t pretty. But he felt it needed to be said.

“The first time I topped in the setting, I thought JD was going to beat me silly. The sub was seasoned and well-trained, so he didn’t press charges, but it could’ve ended so badly. That’s when JD introduced me to Misha. Are you listening, Jared?”

He nodded, his adam’s apple bobbing with a nervous swallow. Jensen still knew how to drive him crazy. His chest was being touched all over, yet his nipples remained untouched. They were pebbled, begging for attention.

“Misha was my Dom for three months.

That surprised Jared. It must’ve shown on his face.

“Shocking, I know. But I do know what it’s like to be in your shoes, so to speak. I learned some very interesting things. Being a Dom is about power, not oppression. If anything, it’s the submissive that holds the power. Many people view BDSM as abuse. But it’s not, is it?”

Jared shook his head. God, he wished he could see Jensen.

“Exactly, a Dom should have control over his or her sub and the situation. But it’s a special kind of control. Everything a Dom does is for the pleasure of the sub. When the sub experiences pleasure, so does the Dom. Correct?”

Jared nodded.

“It is the Dom’s job to cherish and...and love his or her sub.”

Jensen’s voice broke. Even while they were dating, he’d never felt this close to Jared. They hadn’t even done anything overtly sexual, yet there was still an intimate connection.

He looked at his watch. They’d gone over their time by a few minutes already.

“We’re done, Jared.” He removed the blindfold from Jared’s eyes. “You will stay in this position until you hear the door close behind me. Understood?”

Jared nodded.

“Are you alright, baby boy?”

They both knew that the question was much more than the simple, everyday inquiry.

“Yes. I’m good.”

They both knew that the answer was much more than the simple, everyday response.

Jensen ran a hand through Jared’s hair. “You’re dismissed.”

Jared didn’t move until he heard the door shut.

\-----

Jensen though the next few weeks went smoothly. He often blindfolded Jared, but never gagged him. Jensen enjoyed hearing the breathy begging, followed by gutteral moans, teasing Jared until he finally screamed his release. He had brought the flogger out a few times and spanked Jared until his cheeks had practically blistered. Then, he’d proceeded to rub a cool, healing lotion into his skin. He fondled him too, jacking Jared until he came, but Jensen never once touched that sweet puckered hole. Partially because he didn’t trust himself. He knew that once he penetrated Jared’s ass, with anything, it would all be over. Mostly, though, he wanted to keep that part of Jared sacred. To Jensen, if Jared didn’t want to be sullied, to lose his virginity, then Jensen wouldn’t do anything to even come close to it. He hoped, though, that one day Jared would give it to him. Only him.

This...arrangement. It was going well. Better than Jensen had expected.

\-----

Jared sighed in Misha’s arms and cuddled closer, nuzzling into his neck. Misha shushed him comfortingly. Jared whimpered and started to cry. Misha exhaled. He didn’t need to ask what was wrong. He already knew. Jared had been different the last few weeks. Despondent. Sad.

After each of his sessions, Jared would come to Misha’s office and fall into his arms. Not that misha minded, of course. He cared for Jared.

“Little one?”

Jared sniffled. “Yes, sir?”

“I have a question for you and I need you to answer honestly. Understood?” Jared nodded. “Is Jensen hurting you?”

“What--”

“Pushing your limits in any way?”

“Misha--”

“Does he make you uncomfortable?”

“No sir...it’s. It’s not like that at all. I just. I get so lonely. And...and Jensen. He...Misha, you make me feel better.” Jared hiccupped, a fresh wave of tears starting.

Misha was going to kick Jensen’s ass...Just as soon as Jared stopped crying.

\-----

Jensen fondled himself through his jeans.

“Talk to me, baby boy.” he commanded in a low tone.

“S--sir?”

“I want you to talk to me, Jay. Tell me what you want. Let me hear you.”

There was silence for a moment. Jensen smacked Jared’s ass lightly. “Baby boy…”

“Touch me. J...just touch me. Please.” Jared felt like dying. The exquisite pleasure he felt clashed violently with the pure, lonely, emotional pain. He’d read about sub-drop, heard horror stories about Doms neglecting their subs’ aftercare. But he’d never experienced it with Misha. He was kind and affectionate towards Jared. He felt safe with him. But with Jensen, well. Jensen was acting just like he always had, bordering on cruel. When it had been the the three of them in Misha’s office, Jared had thought things would be different. He thought there had been some connection they hadn’t had before, some sort of emotion in Jensen’s eyes. Apparently, he’d been wrong.

Finally, Jensen touched him, jacked him until he came. For Jared, though, the true satisfaction never came. He needed more.

After Jensen cleaned him up and left, Jared headed for Misha’s office, but the door was closed. Silent tears fell as he walked to his car and drove home.

\-----

“You have to talk to him, little one.” Misha counseled him over the phone. “You know the only way this will work is with communication.”

“I know but…” Jared hesitated.

“But what, little one?”

“I’m afraid.”

“Fear means a lack of trust. And if you don’t trust Jensen and he’s hurting you, tell me now.” Misha was going Dom on him. Even though it was over the phone, and even though Misha wasn’t his true Dom, Jared felt compelled to obey him. They were friends, after all.

“I’ll talk to him. I just don’t want it to end like last time.”

“I won’t, I promise you that.”

Misha seemed so sure. Jared...not so much.

\------

Jensen stared morosely at his half-finished beer. Chris and Steve had broken out their guitars, but he couldn’t focus on the sound. All he could hear was the sound of Jared’s laugh in the back of his head. All he could see was the sparkle in Jared’s half-lidded eyes right after his orgasm. All he could feel was the overwhelming love his sub.

Love.

His sub.

Jensen loved his sub.

Jensen loved JAred.

Fuck. He needed air.

“I’m going out for a second. Don’t burn down my apartment.”

The guys mumbled a vague acknowledgement and Jensen was out the door. He had barely closed it behind him when he heard a sharp intake of breath. He looked up.

“Jared?” he was immediately worried, the dom in him rising up to protect what was his. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, um. I mean yes, Jen. I was building up the courage to knock…” Jared fell silent, clearly nervous about something.

“Jay look at me.” He does. “Talk to me, baby boy. I’m very happy to see you. I’ve missed you. But you’re worrying me. Tell me what’s up.”

Jared took a few steps forward and kissed Jensen’s lips. It wasn’t hot and heavy. There was no clashing of teeth or lip-swelling passion. It was just...perfect.

He pulled back slightly. “Baby boy?”

“Jen. I...I lo-”

He stopped abruptly at the sound of the door handle. They both went still. Jensen felt his breath leave his body as time seemed to slow to an impossible speed. The latch leaving its home rang in his ears. He looked at Jared, trying to convey his feelings, his desire to to finish this conversation. Because if it wasn’t Chris, or Steve, or Mike on the other side of that door…

“Hey Jen? I’m gonna head out and--oh hey Jay. Long time, no see! I gotta go. Catch y’all later.” And with that, Tom left as quickly as he’d appeared. It lasted no more than 30 seconds. But Jensen could see his world start to crumble.

Jared’s world faded. His vision went fuzzy and his breath quickened. Suddenly, Jared was 4 years younger with stars in his eyes. Jensen was still the Jensen who’d left him. Jared never considered himself to be insecure. He was confident in his looks, his mental abilities, his personality. But when it came to Jensen, Jared was vulnerable. And no matter what Jared gave him, it would never be good enough.

“Jay?” Jensen whispered. Tears welled in his eyes. “I know how this looks. But, just, listen, ok? I--”

“No…” Jared was trembling now. “No...no no no no…”

Baby boy, talk to me. Please. Tell me what you’re thinking. Jensen was desperate. “Tell me what you were going to say. Please.

“I wanted you more.” It was barely a voiced sound, though it was filled with a somber wonder. Jared looked back up at Jensen, tears now spilling down both men’s cheeks. “I just...I guess I wanted you more.”

He started to turn away, but Jensen grabbed his arm. “Jared.”

“Let go, Jensen.”

“Jay, please. I love you.”

“Winchester.”


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. This is it. This is the moment you've been waiting for: The End.
> 
> Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. It's been written for a while, I just haven't posted yet.
> 
> Please, enjoy.

Jared wanted to be drunk. He wasn’t, but he wanted to be. It was his birthday, after all. He had every right to be hammered. Chad was on his 5th drink. Sandy was higher than a kite. Genevieve was hitting on chad, which meant it was time to cut her off. All in celebration of Jared’s birthday. But...this isn’t what he’d planned. Six months ago, he’d been ready to allow his Dom, his Jensen, to take and command him fully. He should be tied to a bed, his ass burning from a spanking, with Jensen teasing him, preparing his hole for this thick length. His first time would’ve been perfect. But Jared should’ve known not to count on Jensen, right?

“I’m glad you’re sober.”

Jared startled at the sound. “Thanks, Misha. Going on two months now.”

“That’s excellent. I’m proud of you. little one. I apologize for being late. I was stuck at the office.

“You don’t have to call it that. It’s the club. I know you love you job.

“You loved it too.” Misha sat next to him at the bar.

“Did…” Jared swallowed, his mouth dry. “Did they enjoy it?”

“Not as much as they wanted to, but they wanted to learn for their partner. He loves him, so he’s willing to learn to be a sub.”

“No one should change for the person they love. If the feelings are mutual, change isn’t needed.”

“Perhaps it’s for a special occasion, I’m not sure.”

Jared sighed. “Maybe it’s just not for me, Mish.”

“And we both know that’s not true. Come on, I’l take care of your friends. Why don’t you go home?”

“Nah, that’s alright. I should stay. They all wanted to come out. And they’ll worry. And it’s my birthday. And--”

“Jared.” The dom tone snuck into Misha’s voice. Probably without even meaning to. “You’d rather be at home. Thsi bar--with the noise and alcohol and stress--this isn’t where you wanna be.”

He was right. Jared knew that. “Alright. I...uh, I’ll see you later? We can grab some food when you get off work tomorrow?”

“Sure thing, Jay. But I’m sure I’ll hear from you before then.” With that, Misha turned and walked towards Chad and the girls, a mischievous grin on his face.

Jared shook his head. Weirdo.

\-----

He opened his apartment door slowly. There was a glow coming from the living room. He hadn’t left a light on, had he? He sat his keys and wallet on the kitchen counter and entered his living room. The image that met his eyes was shocking.

There were candles. Not everywhere. Not enough to be a fire hazard, but five or six. Enough to make a steady glow. There were flowers, too. Daisies, his favorite. But far enough away from any candles to prevent fire as well. With the shadows bouncing off the walls, it was almost eerie. At least, it would be if it weren’t for the figure in the middle of the room.

Because right there, kneeling in the center of Jared’s living room, hands--palms up--on his tights, shoulders tense, was Jensen. Kneeling. Naked.

Jensen. No...no...no…

“No.”

Jensen looked up. “Jay.”

“No…” He said again, shaking his head. “This isn’t right.”

“Please...don’t make me leave.”

“Stand up?...I. Please...stand up?” Jared questioned in a small voice.

“”If that’s what you want, sir.”

Jared froze. What the hell? This wasn’t okay. “Jensen? What’s going on? Why are you here?”

“I’m here to serve you, sir. Please...don’t make me leave.”

Jared dropped to his knees. With Jensen standing, he could wrap his arms around Jensen’s legs and nuzzle the crook where thigh met torsro. “wharudinths?”

“Jared, sir? I can’t hear you properly. I’m sorry.”

He looked up into green eyes. He could still see the dominance in the them, even though the act was submissive. “Why are you doing this?”

“I wish to please you...you may have me however you wish. “

“Please.”

“Sir?”

“Please,” Jared begged. “Please stop. This isn’t you. I..I can’t. Jensen...Jen. I need you. Not...not this. I need my Jensen back.”

Jensen relaxed. He gently placed a hand on Jared’s head. “Are you sure, Jay? Because...God, I’ve missed you so much.”

He nodded. “I’m yours. Always been yours.”

Jensen dropped back down to his knees, still unashamedly naked. “I’m sorry, baby boy. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done that’s hurt you. But six months ago, nothing happened. All the guys were there. You need to trust me on this. There has been no one -- no one -- since I saw you in the playroom with misha.”

Jared nodded, tears pooling in his eyes.

“I will do anything I can to make  it up to you. Everything. I will happily spend the rest of my life making this all up to you.”

“Is it alright if we talk?”

“Of course, baby boy. Whatever you want.”

“Can you put clothing on first? It’s...you’re pretty distracting.”

Jensen grinned and found his boxer-briefs, slipping them on. “Jay, I’m--”

“I’d like to speak first, please.” Jensen nodded. “Why did you do it? Why did you cheat on me 5 years ago?”

There was a pause. Jared sucked in a breath then stopped, unable to let it out. This was it.

“I...didn’t.” Another pause.

“You...yes you did!. With Tom. You lied about Chris’s gig and just went out with Tom and--”

“But nothing happened. We went out and got piss drunk, then I passed out on his couch. I think he was with Sophia at the time. You can ask her. Or Tom, if you want. But I never cheated. I’ve never done anything with Tom. Or any of the other guys.”

“I want to trust that. But...but you let me believe that. You let me believe I wasn’t worth anything because I wouldn’t put out…You were such a bastard.”

“I was. I knew I didn’t deserve you. I know you could do so much better than me. But I also knew you wouldn’t leave willingly. I wanted you to have so much more than me.”

“And now?”

“I’m still a bastard, but I’m a selfish bastard. I was you with me. I want you to be mine, as I am yours.”

Jared struggled with his thoughts. “I want to believe you, Jen. I do.”

Jensen reached out and laid a hand on Jared’s cheek. “If you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that it’s always been you…”

He nodded. “Ok.”

“May I ask you something now?” Jared nodded. “Why are you still a virgin?”

“Does it really matter?”

“It has mattered to you enough to stay pure. So yes, it matters to me. Please, Jay. I need to know.”

Jared sighed. What would Jensen think when he told him? “I tried...I really did. To...you know. To have sex. I just. I wouldn’t do it. Girls, boys, in between, freaking anyone who would look at me twice. But I couldn’t bring myself to actually go through with it.”

“Why?” Jensen pushed.

“You know why.”

“I wanna hear you say it, baby boy. Say it for me.”

“...None of them were you, Jen. I’ve always been yours...And none of them even came close to you.”

Jensen smiled and stroked Jared’s cheek. “So, what now, baby boy?”

“Love me.”

“What?” For some reason, Jensen looked surprised.

“Just...love me. Only me. Dominate me. I’m your sub. Give me aftercare. I don’t want to have to go to Misha. I want you. For so long I thought I wanted you more than you could ever want me. I want you to show me, Jen. I want you to love me.”

“Oh, baby boy. I already do.”

The End

**Author's Note:**

> To be honest, I'm not 100% sure where this is going. Please give me some feedback?


End file.
